


Falter And Flail.

by Qu0t13



Series: Beneath the Waves [3]
Category: SOMA (Video Game)
Genre: Abandonment, Both Are Sad, Other, Suicidal Thoughts, The Suit They Leave Behind Isn't Quite As Asleep As Catherine Said, There Are Two Simons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28122780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qu0t13/pseuds/Qu0t13
Summary: Simon wakes to a nightmare, one full of monsters and robots and water and it’s not the sort of nightmare he can just wake up from…But then he does… He does wake up…Only to a whole new nightmare…
Relationships: Catherine Chun & Simon Jarrett, Simon Jarrett & Simon Jarrett
Series: Beneath the Waves [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018149
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Falter And Flail.

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED THEIR FINALS!!!
> 
> Have a thing we've kept in our back pocket for this past month.

Simon remembered taking a seat in the chair, Catherine's voice reassuring him that everything was going to be fine…

Despite the screaming slipping through the door from the hall.

Despite the way the room seemed to shake as the girl thrashed and clawed at the door…

Despite everything being absolutely not alright, in any way, shape or form… He believed her…

He believed everything was going to be alright…

And then he fell asleep… But that wasn't right…

He was… Awake, but not there.

He could feel his arms and legs, but he couldn't move…

He couldn't move his head or speak… But he could see and hear and…

He watched the other Powersuite, the suite Catherine had said he was… Going into…

He watched the other Powersuite move and walk and speak in his voice.

He heard Catherine, clear as day, speak to the other Powersuite… Explain what had happened, explain the transfer process…

_"There can't be two Simons!"_ The other Powersuite yelled, the speaker unit whining in warning, had he… The… The other Simon been flesh… He would have screamed himself hoarse…

Simon couldn't move… Couldn't respond…

Catherine said he was inert, that the suite was powered down, that he was 'sleeping'...

That he'd wake up in a few days.

_"What if he doesn't need to wake up?"_

Simon wanted to cry.

And then he wanted to scream.

Who the fuck was this new Simon to dictate whether or not he could live? What right did he have?

They, the new Simon and Catherine, argued about what to do…

Catherine… Simon couldn't tell what Catherine wanted other than to leave… But the new Simon… The new Simon couldn't bring himself to.

_"We're never coming back here right? Could you live with yourself knowing that he'll be trapped here for what? Days? Weeks? Years!"_

Simon remembered all those conversations… About the ARK, about getting down to the abyss…

About how they wouldn't be able to get back…

About how by the end of it all… They' be beyond the stars...

_"It… You're telling me to pick between killing myself and… And just leaving him here? D-do you have any idea how fucked up that is?"_

Simon, both of them, apparently, were stuck between a rock and a hard place…

Simon didn't want to die… But the thought of being left behind, of being left alone…

Simon nearly wanted his… Doppelganger? Clone? Copy?

Simon nearly wanted Simon to kill him…

Just so he wouldn't be alone...

_"Please… Don't make me do this Catherine… I-I can't…"_

Catherine couldn't… They both knew it… She was only a mind locked inside a small hand-held device, she couldn't push the button…

~~Though Simon suspected she didn't have to…~~

The final decision was up to Simon, the new Simon, and only the new Simon...

_"What if we… What if we wait? And just, tell him what's going on? It… It would still suck but it wouldn't be like we're just leaving him right…?"_

Simon wasn't sure that would be better or worse…

To wake up and meet himself, only to be immediately left…

It would be cruel… Either way, whatever this new Simon chose… It would be cruel for both of them…

If Simon was left… He'd be alone, so painfully alone…

~~He didn't want to die… But he didn't want to be alone…~~

But if the new Simon killed him… Simon couldn't even imagine the weight of that guilt…

They were human… Circuits and steel and wires aside… They were human…

They already had the weight of guilt on their shoulders… Simon didn't want to add his own death to the new Simon's conscience…

But at the end of the day… It wasn't his choice…

It was the new Simon's choice…

_"I'm sorry…"_ New Simon whispered, leaning close to press their metal heads together…

_"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry…"_ He murmured… And Simon knew that if the new Simon could… He would have been crying…

He wanted to cry too…

_"I-I… I just can't do it… I can't do it… I'm sorry…"_

New Simon brushed where his mouth would (should) have been, against Simon's forehead in a desperate mockery of a kiss.

_"I'm sorry Simon…"_

And then they left…

Simon watched them, the new Simon and Catherine, leave, slip into the airlock, out the door and… Away…

Simon wasn't sure what was worse… The hurt, the hollowness in his chest… The pain, the burning anger…

Or the fear…

Simon couldn't move… Couldn't blink, couldn't breathe couldn't do… Anything… Anything but sit there and think...

It was torture…

Simon wanted to move. He wanted to scream and cry and thrash, he wanted to claw the airlock open and demand to know why.

It wasn't fair!

They were supposed to go to the ARK together! They were supposed to go beyond the stars!

And now Catherin was going with a different Simon.

Simon could have choked on the bitter resentment bubbling at the back of his non-existent throat… Despite the argument of, _'how dare she choose another me over me?'_ not making a lick of sense…

But it was how he felt, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He wanted Catherine to come back, but at the same time… Her willingness to just abandon him… Abandon him and go off with a new him… It made Simon never want to see her again…

She knew this would happen… Didn't she?

She must have, she explained it so clearly to the new him… She knew this would happen, knew that he'd be left here, alone… While she was sent beyond the stars with the other him…

And she _let_ it happen…

Simon found himself viciously hating Catherin then and there… Part of him hoped she wouldn't make it, that they, she and the other him, would fail, that neither of them would make it to the stars…

But he knew that was a cruel thing to wish…

Catherine had told him just how important the ARK was… He knew how important it was…

But now seeing that he'd never get the chance to board the ARK… To escape this hell… He felt his wish was justified…

And that cruel bitterness was possibly the only thing to keep Simon sane during his long, lonely paralysis…

There was no way for him to keep time while confined to that damn chair, no way to keep track of the passing seconds or minutes…

There were no clocks in sight or sound, and the small window peering into the airlock only offered the faded glow of the overcast sun, which wasn't much, day or night…

Maybe Catherine had been lying… Wouldn't be the first time, Simon realized hollowly… But maybe she had been lying, maybe he'd never… _Wake up…_

Maybe _this_ was how he was going to spend the rest of his existence? Life?

Locked inside of his own head… Forced to remain until his body broke down or something else came along and killed him…

But maybe that wouldn't be such a horrible thing?

Dying…

Simon was so incredibly alone in that small room…

He almost wished the other him had killed him… It would have been the kind thing to do… Not easy, no… But kind…

He wanted to hate the other him too… Hate him for not killing him, hate him for leaving him, hate him for making it to the ARK, beyond the stars…

But Simon knew that the other him was as much a cog in Catherine's grand design as he was…

Which was why, when all of PATHOS-II gave a great, heaving shudder…

Simon could only feel relief…

The lights above him flickered as the ground trembled, a great, deep-sea roar shook the room to it's core and if Simon could have, he would have covered his ears to block out the noise.

The room lurched to the side and Simon moved with the room, the jolt enough to knock a few wires connecting him to the chair loose, not all of them… But enough.

Simon tore away from the chair and immediately lost his balance as the room slid across the sediment it rested on, he skidded, his metal exterior grinding against the floor before clanging against the wall.

The roaring bellow soared past Simon some few moments later, so loud he could feel it through the water and the walls as it glided by.

The whole world seemed to tremble and quake in its presence, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Simon knew that the other him and Catherin had succeeded…

When the world was still and quiet again… Simon slowly stood and made his way to the airlock door… Peering through the solitary window, up, up, up…

There were no stars above him, he couldn't even see the surface from so far below…

But he could imagine the splendor of night… Of what Catherine and the other Simon were seeing…

Simon slumped against the door, temple pressed to the cool metal…

And waited...

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, we have 3 ficts done for the hols.
> 
> The real question is, is 26000 words too many for a oneshot?


End file.
